


five times it didn't mean anything (and the one time it did)

by herekdales



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Pack Feels, Panic Attacks, hints of Boyd/Erica
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-29
Updated: 2014-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-16 16:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/541772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herekdales/pseuds/herekdales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moments passed before the weight and warmth were gone. He could finally release breaths he hadn’t even known he’d been holding, the bare skin of his back sticking to the stone floor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	five times it didn't mean anything (and the one time it did)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Elsian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsian/gifts).



> Getting back into writing, so go easy on me guys. This pairing has been plaguing me for weeks and I have read pretty much everything out there for them, so I thought I'd give them a go.  
> Canon compliant regarding plot, but ignores the Kanima storyline and the appearance of the Alpha Pack.  
> Gifted to Elsian as a trade: I would write again, and she would watch an episode of Teen Wolf. Could spin off into something more explicit, but it will leave that for another piece as it's not what I'm trying to focus on in this one. Enjoy, and I'd love to get your thoughts!

**One.**

Pain. Blistering, white-hot pain. Coursing through every nerve, clawing at his insides. Licking at his closed eyelids and biting at his lips, pricking his skin from fingertip to fingertip. Then came the heat. Searing hot. Spreading from his middle and across his chest, bursting into his head. It flowed through his veins, burning him up inside until he was sure to combust. Then as sudden as it had come, it dulled. It simmered to a glowing warmth, soothing his aching body, caressing him, calming him.

Fresh golden eyes opened to red, just an inch away, forehead pressed to his own blazing forehead. Shivers wracked his sweat coated body, covered itself by two delicate hands pressing to his arms. His voice was a whisper, lips cracked and dry, short breaths falling between them.

“Did it work? What did you do?”

Warm breath fell over his lips, strained with effort.

“It worked. I took some of the pain from you. It was too hard to watch. I -“ a dry swallow, “I’ve never had to watch someone get turned before.”

Moments passed before the weight and warmth were gone. He could finally release breaths he hadn’t even known he’d been holding, the bare skin of his back sticking to the stone floor.

 

**Two.**

Shouts echoed through the abandoned station. The cracking of bone sounded loud as Derek twisted his arm hard - too hard - splintering it beneath his fingers with ease. Agony, sharp and piercing, thudded through him with every heartbeat. He clutched his wrist to his chest, crawling away and drawing in on himself as shame and confusion washed over him. The others were silent around him; he could hear their own thudding heartbeats just beneath his own. Derek’s harsh voice cut through it and he flinched away from the sound, eyes sinking to the floor unfocused.

He understood, he thought. Derek was teaching them how to stay alive. He meant for them to learn from this. He’d done something wrong and it was right for him to recieve punishment for it. He didn’t perform above standards and that meant he had to suffer. It was his Dad’s rule then, it was Derek’s rule now.

Time passed before he realized he was alone. Alone save for the hand that lay on his shoulder, heavy yet still soft, all the same making him recoil with a dry sob escaping his throat.

Weak. He was always weak.

The hand followed down his arm reaching for his broken wrist. Another eased him out of his fetal position pulling him back to sit between outstretched legs. Derek's grip on his arm was gentle, delicate – apologetic.

The warm chest against his back rumbled with a low growl. A sound of the unspoken apology as his hands wrapped around Isaac's damaged wrist. A yell of pain sounded loud and ragged as Derek pulled and twisted hard and fast, setting it back into place to heal.

Wet prickled around his eyes as he folded his arm against himself. Short wracking breaths the only sound heard as he sank back into the warmth around him, soothed by the rise and fall of his alpha’s chest. He waited for the healing to kick in, Derek’s hand still wrapped loose around his own.

Derek didn’t speak, but he didn’t have to. Isaac understood.

 

**Three.**

He woke, not for the first time, drenched in his own cold sweat. His throat raw and chest constricted. His hands fisted so tight in the sheets he’d torn them bloody with ripped fingernails. Ragged breaths echoed through the silent room, tearing from his lungs. He tried to catch his breath and couldnt, trying to remember how to breathe all over again before he passed out.

Hot tears spilled over frozen cheeks burning hot tracks into his skin, tasting bitter on his cracked and bloody lips. His tongue traced the splits, salty tears mingling with metallic blood, skin bitten and raw. Bringing his own arms across himself, he traced the damp skin with his fingertips. He tried again to brush away the feeling of another’s hands - rough and harsh and unrelenting. Another sob shuddered through him as he tried to push past reliving his nightmares. His fingers tightened, sharp nails digging into the flesh and drawing blood as they elongated and tapered. The fresh pain did little to distract him from the one in his head.

He rocked in a steady rhythm as he eased his hands away from himself, laying them beside him amongst the ruined sheets. Air caught in his throat as he swallowed and gave a sharp gasp. Closing his eyes he dipped his head to his knees as the shivering increased and his body shook with more violence.

Hairs prickled on the back of his neck pulling at the skin, stroking a slow shiver down his spine. Alert and defensive he shot upright. Amber eyes darted to the blackened doorway landing on the figure bathed in shadow. Red eyes hypnotising, piercing through the darkness as they bore into his own. He stared, his breaths easing and heart rate slowing, fingers unclenching.

Mesmerized by the eyes locked on his own, his body pulsed with the slowing breaths and blood pumping through his veins. Waves of calm began to wash over him as minutes passed.

It was the first time Derek had been there while he slept. It was the first time anyone had been there as he’d screamed, clawing himself raw with the terrors that plagued his nightmares.

And it was the first time he’d finally fallen into a near soundless undisturbed sleep. Blood red orbs swimming behind his eyelids as breaths evened and his skin thawed.

 

**Four.**

Isaac noticed. He was sure he was the only one, but he did. It started after that night when he’d awoke to see Derek in his doorway.

He’d woken up later than usual, too late to make it to school. He’d padded downstairs with a yawn and a stretch, feeling a little more rested than he had felt in a long while.

He’d stopped dead as he’d been making his way across the living room, eyes falling on the sleeping alpha seated on his couch. His dark head tipped to the side to rest against a cushion. It was clear he'd been there the entire night. Isaac couldn’t help but wonder if Derek had come up to check on him.

He made his way to the kitchen, throwing together a simple breakfast for himself and Derek. He placed the couple of slices of toast and a cup of coffee on the table as he’d shaken his alpha awake by the shoulder. Derek had huffed his thank you and they’d eaten in silence. Neither of them were comfortable enough to bring up what had happened last night. Derek had finished his food and left with a short nod, leaving Isaac to go about his day. Isaac sat for a long while, more confused and nervous than he’d felt towards Derek before.

That was when he noticed Derek’s gaze. It seemed to drift towards him at every moment. When they were training they were calculating. Searching his face every time Derek grabbed him a little too roughly. Flickering with something Isaac couldn’t pinpoint when he got hurt. Quite often they found themselves piled on Isaac's sofa 'pack-bonding'. Boyd wrapped around Erica, Erica wrapped around Isaac, and Issac trying hard not to press into Derek. Derek's gaze would flick from whatever cheesy movie they were watching to him, to his other betas, and back to him again. Every time Isaac caught him looking. It made his face flush hot, his stomach twist, and his palms sweaty. He felt like he was under constant interrogation and the need to prove himself nagged at him with every passing minute.

Erica started noticing too. She would grin and bite her lip, watching them, knowing all too much and all too little. Isaac found himself defensive of his up-tempo heartbeat and the shared glances. Told her that he was going through some difficult stuff right now and that Derek was keeping an eye on him. It wasn’t exactly a lie, just not the whole truth.

He’d awoken again, more times that he could count, each time to find Derek at the end of his bed. The last time being literal as he’d felt the mattress dip and Derek’s scent filled his senses as the alpha climbed closer. He’d been afraid to look. Afraid of what Derek was doing there. He waited for a strike, for something painful, his nightmares fresh and vivid in his mind.

It didn’t come. What did, hit Isaac with more force than anything he’d expected.

Derek moved around him, sitting sideways on as Isaac buried his head deeper into his arms, knees pulled up and in as he shivered and shook. He flinched at the first touch just on his upper arm, right over where he’d dug in his claws. A repeat of every time he’d tried to brush away his father’s invisible hands. It was hot in contrast to his icy skin, just like the first time Derek had ever touched him like this on the night he had turned. It had the same effect as before. The warmth spread through him, caressing every nerve as Derek slid an arm around his shoulders and drew him close. His other arm coming up and around him too, a gentle brush on his skin sending more waves of heat through his body.

Isaac let Derek move him, arms slipping from around his knees to clutch tight a Derek’s t-shirt. Folding himself into the heat and comfort of his alpha’s arms. He knew this was a pack thing. Derek had taught them that physical interaction helped them with certain things. In this case, Isaac needed comforting and calming and Derek was helping him with that. He’d seen Erica and Boyd do it too, even Scott and his pack. For wolves, touching and being close was no different to a friendly hug or a reassuring pat on the back. At least that’s what Isaac tried to tell himself. It felt different to him. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had held him. It wasn’t something he familiar with and that scared him senseless.

He shifted a little, pressing into Derek, head resting just below his collarbone. Ear pressed firm against his chest he could hear the steady beat of Derek’s heart loud and clear. Closing his eyes as he let the sound lull him into relaxation. His breathing evened out after a while, Derek’s fingers drawing small circles on his arm as they sat in silence. As Isaac was finally slipping into sleep, Derek’s hand stilled and tensed, hesitating. Isaac could feel it like it was his own body, thinking that he may have even tensed a little too. Eyes squeezed shut he tried to keep his heartbeat slow as he waited for Derek to pull away.

He didn’t.

He shifted, stretching his legs out in front of him, twisting Isaac with him too as he lay back against the pillows. Derek’s arm was still firm around his shoulders, holding on a little tighter than before as he pulled the younger wolf to his chest. Isaac swallowed, his throat too dry and his face too hot. He moved his free arm across Derek’s chest, clutching the material of his t-shirt once more. His heart hammered against his rib cage and he knew Derek could hear and feel it too. He closed his eyes, fighting against the embarrassment. Finally, he fell asleep to Derek’s fingers drawing more lazy patterns along his back.

He woke early next morning, a little disorientated and tucked up underneath the sheets. The other side of the bed cold and Derek long gone.

 

**Five.**

It was an unspoken rule that they didn’t mention anything.

They didn’t talk about Derek going to Isaac’s in the evenings to crash on the couch and watch rubbish TV. They didn’t mention the countless occasions Isaac would sit down to dinner, another plate set at the table next to him. A plate that would soon find itself piled high with the extra helpings Isaac had made for an extra mouth. They didn’t talk about how they talked - with stolen glances and small conversation. Isaac didn’t mention how it made him feel. They especially didn’t talk about the fact that most nights Isaac would scream and fight imaginary ghosts. And most nights Derek would hold him and wait it out, leaving him to sleep in the morning. The others knew nothing about it, and Isaac liked it that way. He figured Derek did too.

When Erica and Boyd ran, it couldn’t have surprised Isaac even if he’d forced it. He’d known he’d not been the only one to doubt Derek’s leadership choices. The thing is, he’d needed him too much to leave. Losing two of the pack was a monumental blow. Isaac felt the loss, and he was sure Derek’s was much greater, as much as he liked to pretend it wasn’t. Isaac thought that maybe Derek could forget about that when pressed up against his side as they say watching TV. Or when Isaac was clutching him for dear life when he dreamt. Isaac could feel a lot of what Derek was feeling too. The bonds between them worked both ways.

It was then that Isaac found things changing. It was just the two of them now, an alpha and his last remaining beta. Derek spent most of his time at Isaac’s and Isaac couldn’t blame him. A ruined house or abandoned subways to sleep in; he knew what he’d choose. It became a regular thing. Derek would do whatever it was that he did while Isaac went to school. He’d be there just after Isaac returned home, ready to wash up and eat and leave cash in an unused biscuit tin on top of the fridge. Isaac had told him not to, but Derek had grunted at him, “it pays my way and it eases your workload”. He didn’t question where Derek got his money, and Derek didn’t question him either.

Derek would sleep on the sofa – had been doing it so long he now had his own pillow and blankets. Isaac had insisted. Some nights he would spend sprawled on Isaac’s bed. Isaac fresh out of a nightmare and Derek comforting him with silence and company. They rarely talked about it even now, and he didn't think they needed to. Isaac felt that Derek just got it.

Some nights were bad, others were awful. Isaac soon found that the worse the nightmare, the longer Derek would stay with him. But the longer Derek stayed with him, the more Isaac and his feelings started to disagree.

Isaac woke one morning, long legs entwined with more long legs. Their bodies pressed together and strong arms clutched tight around him. The steady rise and fall of Derek’s chest beneath his head told him that Derek was fast asleep. He tightened his grip and snuggled closer. His own reasons for not wanting to move needed no explanation to an empty room and his sleeping alpha.

  
**+one.**

It was a bad night. Isaac had screamed himself awake, and Derek had been there as soon as the sound left him, clambering onto the bed with no regard to grace. He’d grabbed Isaac’s arms as he’d lashed out, screaming and shouting as hot tears poured from his eyes. He’d clung hard as Isaac’s strength came into play, trying to throw him off as he became more disorientated and frightened. It was the first time that Derek had spoken to him in one of these moments. If it wasn’t for the panic and sobs coming from Isaac, he might have noticed Derek’s panic too. Isaac wasn’t sure what he’d said, but Derek’s voice had cut loud across his own shouts and he bit his lip hard. He squeezed his eyes shut as Derek’s hands came up to cup his face, forehead pressing against his own. He clutched at Derek’s wrists so tight he was leaving bruises, but Derek wasn’t moving away.

It took a moment for Isaac to realize that Derek was shushing him, quiet, soothing noises meant only to calm him down. He was knelt with legs either side of Isaac’s outstretched ones, body heavy and pressing as Isaac shook. Shivers and sobs wracked his body as his hands came up to fist in Derek’s t-shirt for familiarity – only to find Derek wasn’t wearing one. Isaac’s breath left him all over again. It caught in his throat as his eyes shot open, his fingers scraping against the bare skin of Derek’s back. The other wolf’s breath was hot against his face with every shush he made. Squeezing his eyes shut once more he gasped in lung-fulls of air. He gulped and scrabbled for something to hold onto as his panic attack came back full force. His head was spinning and his heart hammered. Derek’s thumbs swiped away the tears spilling from beneath his eyelashes. Isaac found a grip on Derek, finally, and pulled him tight to himself. He wrapped both arms around his waist as Derek’s hands slipped from his face. They entwined in his curls, stroking his hair, holding him through each shake of his body.

Isaac didn’t know how long they’d been sat like this. Derek’s fingers raked through his hair in soothing strokes and Isaac lessened his grip on his middle. Finding himself calmer once again, Isaac just breathed. He fell further into Derek as exhaustion overtook him. He pulled his arms back, one hand on Derek’s hip, the other moving in loose patterns over his back. He traced the raised ink of the triskele between his shoulders. His face was hot and flushed; Isaac was putting it all down to his episode, but he knew better. He’d known better for a long time now, he’d just been in no place to admit it.

The soft slide of bare skin over his own damp chest was all he could feel, two hearts hammering just out of sync. Two hearts hammering far too fast and far too hard. Isaac focused on keeping his breathing slow and steady, almost stopping completely as Derek pulled back to look at him. Large hands came up to cup his face once more. Isaac held his gaze, unblinking, trying to read Derek’s expression and failing miserably.

He let out a breath, shallow and prolonged, as Derek pressed their foreheads together once more. His eyes fell closed as Derek’s breath ghosted across his face with a ‘you’re okay, it’s over, you’re okay, I’ve got you’. the whispers tickled his lips and wrapped around him, caressing each part of his face they touched. They kissed the corner of his mouth, his nose, his chin, and no, that wasn’t a whisper, that was Derek’s lips. Derek’s lips on his own, soft and hesitant and so fucking good and it was everything he never known he’d wanted. His fingers were scrambling again, trying to find something to cling onto as he threw everything he had into kissing back. Derek needed to know. Isaac needed to show him that it wasn’t this comfort thing they'd talked about. It wasn’t ever just a platonic pack thing. This bond they had wasn’t like anything Isaac had ever felt before. He needed this; needed Derek.

His hands found Derek’s hair as he pulled him down with him, Derek’s weight pleasant and just right on top of him. He arched up into the body above him as hands ran along his sides, up his arms, through his hair. All the while Derek deepened the kiss, parting Isaac’s lips with a sweep of his tongue. Derek tasted sweet, addictive, like Isaac would never be able to get enough. He was everywhere, taking over everything. Derek was all around him and he was drowning, breath too short, heart beating too fast. But this wasn’t like his night terrors; this was what dreams should be about. It was filling his senses, filling him up in every way he didn’t even know possible.

They lay there for a long while, a switch of positions as Isaac moved to lay on top of Derek. Their legs entwined like the first night he’d stayed. Isaac’s head on Derek’s chest, Derek’s fingers running through his hair. Isaac fell asleep first, exhausted from his nightmares. He slept soundless and still in Derek’s arms, calm for the first time in years.


End file.
